Business & Economy
Self-Checkout Machine Requests Tip and Annual Performance Review
Uncle Bro confronts a supermarket terminal seeking a gratuity, paid leave and constructive feedback.
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Science & Technology
AI Therapist Seeks Therapy After Processing Entire Internet for One Week
Dr. Cynthia Source reviews the first artificial intelligence to request a mental-health day from humanity.
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Science & Technology
Smart Refrigerator Reports Owner for Storing Unpatriotic Mustard
Captain Freedom investigates whether connected appliances have become too judgmental about American lunch.
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Fact Check
Scientists Train Pigeons to Detect Fake News; Pigeons Resign After Reading Comments
SausageGoat reports on an animal fact-checking experiment that ended over unacceptable working conditions.
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Fact Check
Fact Check: Aliens Avoid Earth Because Nobody Accepts the Terms and Conditions
Dr. Cynthia Source investigates whether Earth’s lack of alien visitors is really a user-interface problem.
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World
Europe Approves One Universal Charger for Every Device Except the One You Own
Li Wei covers Europe’s fictional final step toward cable harmony and the immediate discovery of a newly incompatible plug.
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Defense & Military
NATO Unveils Strongly Worded Tank for Situations Requiring Maximum Concern
Colonel Liberty Hawk examines a diplomatic weapons platform designed to escalate concern without damaging conference catering.
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Defense & Military
U.S. Navy Tests Aircraft Carrier as Same-Day Freedom Delivery Service
Colonel Liberty Hawk reviews a fictional naval logistics program promising freedom delivery with optional air support.
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Culture & Society
City Fines Pothole for Occupying Public Road Without a Permit
Uncle Bro investigates a municipality solving infrastructure problems through paperwork directed at the infrastructure problem.
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Florida
Florida Man Attempts to Register Boat as Spouse for Insurance Discount
Florida Frank covers a fictional legal strategy combining romance, maritime registration and suspiciously specific insurance questions.
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U.S. Politics
SausageGoat Announces Presidential Campaign, Leads Every Poll Conducted With Snacks
Trust-Me-Bro’s Animal Affairs Correspondent enters politics with unbeatable approval among voters carrying crackers.
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Business & Economy
Nation Solves Affordability Crisis by Making Everything Available in 96 Monthly Payments
A bold new financing model promises to make groceries, gasoline and basic household necessities affordable through payments extending well into the next administration.
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