Sports
Professional League Replaces Referees With Live Online Poll and Immediately Regrets It
J-BO covers a revolutionary officiating system powered by social media, outrage and unlimited refresh buttons.
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Sports
Olympics Add Competitive Queueing After Decades of Unofficial Global Training
J-BO previews the newest international competition: standing in line with championship-level focus.
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Business & Economy
Billionaire Launches Monthly Subscription for Premium Sunlight
Uncle Bro investigates a startup claiming to disrupt the sun through memberships, upgrades and family plans.
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Business & Economy
Self-Checkout Machine Requests Tip and Annual Performance Review
Uncle Bro confronts a supermarket terminal seeking a gratuity, paid leave and constructive feedback.
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Science & Technology
AI Therapist Seeks Therapy After Processing Entire Internet for One Week
Dr. Cynthia Source reviews the first artificial intelligence to request a mental-health day from humanity.
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Science & Technology
Smart Refrigerator Reports Owner for Storing Unpatriotic Mustard
Captain Freedom investigates whether connected appliances have become too judgmental about American lunch.
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Fact Check
Scientists Train Pigeons to Detect Fake News; Pigeons Resign After Reading Comments
SausageGoat reports on an animal fact-checking experiment that ended over unacceptable working conditions.
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Fact Check
Fact Check: Aliens Avoid Earth Because Nobody Accepts the Terms and Conditions
Dr. Cynthia Source investigates whether Earth’s lack of alien visitors is really a user-interface problem.
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World
Europe Approves One Universal Charger for Every Device Except the One You Own
Li Wei covers Europe’s fictional final step toward cable harmony and the immediate discovery of a newly incompatible plug.
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Defense & Military
NATO Unveils Strongly Worded Tank for Situations Requiring Maximum Concern
Colonel Liberty Hawk examines a diplomatic weapons platform designed to escalate concern without damaging conference catering.
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Defense & Military
U.S. Navy Tests Aircraft Carrier as Same-Day Freedom Delivery Service
Colonel Liberty Hawk reviews a fictional naval logistics program promising freedom delivery with optional air support.
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Culture & Society
City Fines Pothole for Occupying Public Road Without a Permit
Uncle Bro investigates a municipality solving infrastructure problems through paperwork directed at the infrastructure problem.
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