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Every published report, dispatched with confidence and only occasional supporting evidence.
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Captain Freedom decides that if politics now has a midseason convention it also needs marching bands, instant replay, mascot races and a halftime speech timed to exactly twelve minutes.
Read full storyTrust-Me-Bro formats the criminal economy as a cheerful shareholder report full of growth targets, customer acquisition funnels and a compliance section consisting entirely of the word 'no.'.
Read full storyA fictional realtor lists it as a premium mobile waterfront property with unlimited views, changing neighbors and the only commute in Canada where the house may arrive first.
Read full storyTrust-Me-Bro turns the conservation success into an absurd paperwork crisis involving birthplace, arrival date, customs status and whether an egg technically passed passport control.
Read full storySausageGoat retells the event entirely from the animal's perspective, awarding points for infiltration, evasion and psychological dominance over a much larger mammal.
Read full storyThe newsroom creates a completely unnecessary international league table ranking volume, logistics, audacity and whether the stolen beer was culturally important enough to trigger a diplomatic note.
Read full storyTrust-Me-Bro imagines a national response in which even saboteurs are informed that unauthorized disruption requires an appointment, a stamped site plan and three identical copies.
Read full storyThe newsroom installs a large mechanical counter that clicks every time a denial appears, only to discover it needs industrial cooling by lunchtime.
Read full storyDr. Cynthia Source requests the actual plan, version number, revision history and success criteria, accidentally creating the most demanding document request in Moscow.
Read full storyTrust-Me-Bro mirrors the format by publishing a detailed report explaining that an important meeting was important, several important people attended and important things were almost certainly discussed.
Read full storyLi Wei tries to model the thermodynamics while state broadcasters award the strategy a success rating before anyone has located the thermometer.
Read full storyThe newsroom examines the constitutional-level dilemma of whether tea may legally become iced before the country loses its identity.
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