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Every published report, dispatched with confidence and only occasional supporting evidence.
Latest intelligence
Trust-Me-Bro imagines the British emergency response as a perfectly organized sequence of kettle filling, biscuit allocation and quiet disagreement with the visiting American assessment.
Read full storyThe newsroom sends Captain Freedom to locate the original NATO receipt, warranty card and return policy before anyone tries to process a continent-sized refund.
Read full storyCaptain Freedom ignores the legal arguments and focuses on the only question he believes matters: whether the finished room is large enough to taxi Air Force One through during a state dinner.
Read full storyDr. Cynthia Source reconstructs the confrontation as a tactical defeat for human civilization while the animal leaves without statement, apology or forwarding address.
Read full storyThe newsroom covers the missing stout as if Britain's strategic reserve has been breached, complete with emergency tea rooms, pub intelligence maps and a national search effort.
Read full storyTrust-Me-Bro treats the drifting landmass as Canada's first mobile province and sends Li Wei to determine whether a place can have a postal code while refusing to stay put.
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The Animal Affairs desk examines why goats climb impossible places, eat questionable objects and behave as if gravity were advisory.
Read full story SausageGoat investigates why octopuses keep turning aquarium escape stories into evidence for a future intelligence briefing.
Read full story A suburban bear encounter becomes a dispute between nature and an HOA handbook containing no chapter on large mammals.
Read full story Trust-Me-Bro investigates how pigeons secured premium downtown locations across the planet without deposits, leases or mortgage approval.
Read full story SausageGoat and the business desk investigate the international squirrel nut-storage economy.
Read full story A brazen seagull lunch theft becomes the latest exhibit in SausageGoat’s campaign to classify coastal birds as repeat offenders.
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