News you can almost believe.
From the newsroom
Every published report, dispatched with confidence and only occasional supporting evidence.
Latest intelligence
Trust-Me-Bro skips the design review and asks whether the imaginary arch can accommodate the presidential motorcade, Marine One and a marching band simultaneously.
Read full storyWith aquatic features nearly exhausted, Captain Freedom turns to mountains, canyons and volcanoes, beginning with a proposal to rename one peak 'Mount Very American.'.
Read full storyTrust-Me-Bro imagines Canada responding by labeling its half 'Definitely Not Lake America' and issuing waterproof bilingual stickers to every boat.
Read full storyCaptain Freedom opens an atlas and discovers Gibraltar, Bering, Magellan and dozens of other dangerously unbranded passages, triggering a cartographic emergency.
Read full storyOfficials struggle with questions about permanent residence when the applicant's defining characteristic is an inability to remain permanently anywhere.
Read full storyCaptain Freedom arrives with a heavy-duty pickup, an unreasonable amount of tow cable and a theory that torque is a substitute for international law.
Read full storyDrivers receive directions ending with 'continue straight until the island returns,' while the location pin is downgraded from an address to an educated guess.
Read full storyThe property brochure boasts zero fixed neighbors, unlimited waterfront, organic landscaping and a commute that depends entirely on wind direction.
Read full storyCaptain Freedom argues that patience is cheaper than acquisition and sets up lawn chairs at the border, where Dr. Cynthia Source has to explain the lake is not actually headed toward the United States.
Read full storyIn Part II, Canadian officials rush to place a flag, mailbox and bilingual warning sign on the drifting forest before Captain Freedom can produce a purchase agreement.
Read full storyUncle Bro convenes an emergency editorial meeting to determine whether satire requires a new licensing model now that actual events keep producing better punchlines for free.
Read full storyDr. Cynthia Source creates an index from one to 1,776 measuring how many independent confirmations a headline needs before the newsroom agrees reality is still operating normally.
Read full story