Golden Retriever Outfielder Negotiates Contract in Tennis Balls Indexed to Inflation
The newsroom's fictional canine baseball prospect has hired an agent after discovering that a fixed tennis-ball salary loses purchasing power when balls disappear under couches.
The newsroom's fictional canine baseball prospect has hired an agent after discovering that a fixed tennis-ball salary loses purchasing power when balls disappear under couches. His new contract includes replacement clauses and guaranteed squeak quality.
J-BO reviewed the terms. Performance bonuses reward catches, enthusiastic returns and not presenting the ball to visiting batters. The player's only demand during negotiations was immediate access to the ball already on the table.
Management described the deal as unusually straightforward until the agent added post-career belly-rub rights. The dog signed with a muddy paw and chased the ceremonial pen. J-BO declared him the league's most focused athlete, particularly when the focus is thrown across the room.
Earlier in the Trust-Me-Bro satire archive: <a href="https://trust-me-bro.us/article/baseball-team-signs-golden-retriever">Baseball Team Signs Golden Retriever After Perfect Outfield Tryout</a>.