America Installs Freedom Vending Machines for Citizens Needing Emergency Liberty
Each machine accepts cash, cards and a firm declaration that taxation has become personally inconvenient.
WASHINGTON — A private company launched Freedom Vending Machines at rest stops, malls and government buildings. Products include single-use foam fingers, pocket constitutions and a button that plays a bald eagle sound when pressed.
Uncle Bro purchased the Deluxe Liberty Pack and received sunglasses, barbecue seasoning and a coupon for one unrestricted opinion. The machine asked whether he wanted to add due process for ninety-nine cents.
Liberty Is Now Available Twenty-Four Hours a Day
Consumer advocates criticized the transaction fee labeled “temporary patriotic contribution.” The company replied that freedom is priceless but card processing is not.
Uncle Bro supports convenient liberty but warned citizens that constitutional rights should not become unavailable when a machine runs out of change.