After the overwhelming success of Executive Order No. 001 – Mandatory Friday Barbecues, the Office of the President has continued its mission to improve the quality of life for every citizen of the United States of American Sausage Goats (USASG).

Following extensive scientific research, over 12,000 cups of coffee, and several emergency meetings that should have been emails, President SausageGoat has reached one unavoidable conclusion:

No nation can function before its first cup of coffee.

To protect productivity, public safety, and basic human dignity, the President has officially signed:

☕ Executive Order No. 002

Coffee Is Hereby Declared a Fundamental Human Right

This historic order guarantees every citizen the constitutional right to proper coffee before meetings, work, or any conversation beginning with:

“Quick question…”

The full Executive Order has now been released to the public.

Failure to comply may result in mandatory decaf consumption.

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