🚨LEAKED INTERNAL NASA E-MAIL🚨
A supposedly leaked internal NASA email claims that ALF was never just an ’80s sitcom character, but a real extraterrestrial who escaped government custody decades ago. The document details failed capture attempts, mysterious disappearing cats, questionable budget requests, and a growing effort to keep the public distracted. As always, NASA officially denies everything.
Classification: Internal Use Only – Accidentally Forwarded to Everyone
Source: NASA Internal Communications Archive (Definitely Not Fabricated)
Date: March 14, 2026
Subject: URGENT: Stop Referring to Subject ALF as “Just a Sitcom Character”
From: Dr. Harold Jenkins, Director of Extraterrestrial Relations
To: All NASA Personnel
CC: Legal, Cafeteria Services, Cat Welfare Task Force
Team,
I am disappointed that this needs to be addressed for the seventh time this quarter.
The entity known publicly as ALF (“Alien Life Form”) was never intended to be released as a television comedy. The sitcom was approved in 1986 as a controlled disinformation campaign after Subject ALF escaped Containment Facility B during a routine tuna-related enrichment exercise.
Despite decades of successful public ridicule, recent social media activity has resulted in an alarming number of citizens asking uncomfortable questions such as:
- “Why does ALF know classified satellite trajectories?”
- “Why are there no veterinary records for the Tanner family’s missing neighborhood cats?”
- “Why did NASA purchase 14,000 pounds of premium cat food under the budget category ‘Rocket Fuel Supplements’?”
Please stop replying to these inquiries with laughing emojis.
Current Status of Subject ALF
As of this morning:
- Subject ALF remains at large.
- He has successfully infiltrated three suburban neighborhoods.
- Seven barbecue parties have been compromised.
- Forty-two lasagnas are missing.
- We are no longer confident the cats were ever the primary objective.
The Department of Agriculture has requested that we stop describing him as “mostly harmless.”
Incident Report #773
Yesterday at 09:14 EST, security cameras captured Subject ALF attempting to enter Mission Control while wearing a fake NASA visitor badge.
Unfortunately, the badge was accepted because it looked more convincing than the official ones.
When confronted, ALF reportedly stated:
“Trust me, bro.”
Security personnel applauded and let him through.
This matter is currently under review.
New Employee Guidelines
Effective immediately:
- Do not leave tuna sandwiches unattended.
- Do not attempt to pet Subject ALF.
- If ALF asks whether anyone has seen “a fluffy orange cat,” answer “No” and slowly back away.
- Stop adding “Cat Consumption Forecast” to quarterly budget presentations as a joke. Congress keeps approving it.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: Does ALF actually eat cats?
A: Officially, absolutely not.
Unofficially, we strongly advise cat owners to avoid leaving windows open after sunset.
Q: Why doesn’t NASA simply capture him?
A: We tried.
Twice.
The first team returned with signed autographs.
The second team joined his poker night.
Q: Is ALF from the planet Melmac?
A: Publicly: Yes.
Privately: We are still trying to determine whether “Melmac” is a planet, an IKEA shelf, or something ALF made up because he thought it sounded funny.
Final Reminder
If anyone receives another email from alf@melmac.gov requesting reimbursement for “emotional support lasagna” or asking whether the International Space Station has “room for one extremely charming alien,” please forward it to Legal instead of approving the expense report.
Again.
Thank you.
— Dr. Harold Jenkins
This document has been automatically classified as:
TOP SECRET // CAT LEVEL 5 // NO FELINES WERE CONSULTED
If you have read this document, please forget everything immediately. If you are a cat… run.